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Literature Text
And now slowly swept somber eyes,
Let my earthly body find no surprise.
For now I lay and sleep so soundly,
Ever kept so earthly boundly.
Bobbing, sobbing, still and silent,
Being earthly bound is quite violent.
Wars and whores,
On sodding shores.
Treasure trove, or tainted grove,
We're cooking now on ghastly stove.
Bumbling, Stumbling, sweet and soft,
In my mind I just scoffed.
Deary me, oh deary my,
What a life has gone by.
Truly Trembling, tossed and crossed,
Find me still and leave me lost.
Brooding, Feuding, Fickle Flock,
Don't forget to throw the clock.
Madness find me,
Chains now bind me.
Eyes will open and awaken,
To this earth I am shaken.
Crying, dying, dread and dismay,
Find me here and fly, fly away.
Let my earthly body find no surprise.
For now I lay and sleep so soundly,
Ever kept so earthly boundly.
Bobbing, sobbing, still and silent,
Being earthly bound is quite violent.
Wars and whores,
On sodding shores.
Treasure trove, or tainted grove,
We're cooking now on ghastly stove.
Bumbling, Stumbling, sweet and soft,
In my mind I just scoffed.
Deary me, oh deary my,
What a life has gone by.
Truly Trembling, tossed and crossed,
Find me still and leave me lost.
Brooding, Feuding, Fickle Flock,
Don't forget to throw the clock.
Madness find me,
Chains now bind me.
Eyes will open and awaken,
To this earth I am shaken.
Crying, dying, dread and dismay,
Find me here and fly, fly away.
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..well..what is there to say really?
It's a poem about an older person going to sleep, thinking how much they wish they could stay in the dream, cause the world is so harsh. Thinking about wars, and terrible times. The "shore" is the Bay of Pigs..and the "gastly stove" is a refrence to the Holocaust..when people were cooked alive.. there are other refrences aswell... in the end the person wakes just to die..and finally be released from the earth and their body.
It's a poem about an older person going to sleep, thinking how much they wish they could stay in the dream, cause the world is so harsh. Thinking about wars, and terrible times. The "shore" is the Bay of Pigs..and the "gastly stove" is a refrence to the Holocaust..when people were cooked alive.. there are other refrences aswell... in the end the person wakes just to die..and finally be released from the earth and their body.
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Comments26
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactI'm actually a terrible poet so I can't say that I'll be of much use here, but here goes:
Overall, I like the meter and rhyme. It's consistent enough that the reader doesn't get lost, but free enough that a person doesn't feel binded. I think it adds personality to the piece as it allows for a little individual interpretation for each reader. It also reminds me of a particular Shakespeare piece that I cannot immediately name; consider this a compliment as it's the only piece of his works I've ever liked, and I'll get back to you if I can remember the name.
The only issues I can immediately take with this are the final lines of the first two verses; the first verse ends on a line that's a little too long to fit with the meter, while the second verse's line is too short. They both throw off the reader, and it's sort of like hitting an unexpected speed bump, but it's not too bad and would be fairly easy to fix. Also, for some reason, the meter and rhyme of the final verse irk me. I believe it's because the third line in the previous verses almost consistently have in-line rhymes to match the rhyme of lines three and four (tossed/crossed/lost, trove/grove/stove, etc), while the same rhyming pattern is absent in the last verse (with only awaken/shaken). Again, it's a minor something, I wouldn't stress over it too much; I may just be the sort of reader who misses the forest for all the trees.
Overall, I really like it, even if it needs a tweak here and there. The flow is fun and catchy, it's abstract yet solid enough to keep the reader from wondering what the hell it is you're rambling about, and the choice of words is good. C: